Wizard Texts
by KatasaurusRex
Summary: Based off of a Tumblr conversation.. Cell phones do not exist in the wizarding world, nor do text messages. So when certain male Gryffindors are deep into the firewhiskey, a Patronus will have to do! SLASH! DRARRY! NL/LL, HG/RW, PP/GW
1. DISCLAIMER

Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Luna

Rating: M for Mature because we all know how DRUNK TEXTING ends up

Genre: Comedy

Pre-Reader: None

Summary: Based off of a Tumblr conversation.. Cell phones do not exist in the wizarding world, nor do text messages. So when certain male Gryffindors are deep into the firewhiskey, a Patronus will have to do!

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own HARRY POTTER_** _ **nor any of it's affiliated characters, settings or exclusive content. HARRY POTTER is the sole property of J.K Rowling and the publisher of the book**_

 ** _I do not make money off the writing, posting or sharing of any content of these two works. I ALSO do not own any MUSIC posted in this fiction. I will try to disclaim them individually, but this Disclaimer should be accepted as a blanket disclaimer for any that may be missed._**


	2. Chapter 1

All seemed quiet in the halls of Hogwarts. Minerva McGonagall gave a small, happy smile as she stood at her window looking out over the lake. The sounds of the old castle gave her peace. It had only been repaired a few short months ago after intensive labor from many of the survivors of the war. A painting hung in the corridor of the Great Hall of the wrecked and broken Hogwarts, a reminder that almost anything can be fixed if enough people come together. A reminder that they remained.

She turned and extinguished her candles with magic before crawling into her bed. If she had only stayed at her window a few moments more, she would have caught the silvery trails of a certain Patronus charm...

 _The Room of Prongslett, Weasel and Fatbutt_

Neville snorted and covered his mouth to contain a laugh, falling backwards as he did so. He had thought the first few weeks of Hogwarts would have been spent trying to cope with nightmares and having 8th Year students from all four houses in ONE house would be depressing and angsty. Instead, he was drunk off his arse with his two new best guy friends (HE HAD GUY FRIENDS!) in their own dorm.

Perks of the older students helping to repair the castle had been fixing their rooms just so. The 8th Years also got to design the layout of their new House, dubbed FAWKES after the everlasting phoenix of their former headmaster. On the outside, it looked like a simple turret that existed on the outside. The inside had been equipped with an expanding charm. There were several sets of stairs and corridors, almost like an entire building.

They had chosen, for the sake of space and companionship, to put three to a room. Ron had instantly chosen Neville as the remainder of his trio with Harry after he started to see the way his friend had began to look at a certain blonde former-ferrett.. Ron had come to terms with his best friend's sexuality, but that did not mean he had to live with it in his room.

The first night together, they had come together and named their room and themselves.

"Prongslett!" Harry had cried, taking a shot of FireWhiskey and then holding up his empty glass in a toast-like manor.

"WEASEL!" Ron had cried, taking a shot of his own and trying to copy his friend. He wobbled a bit more, being slightly easier to get drunk than his friend.

"FATBUTT!" Neville had cried, thus what had caused him to fall and laugh after his shot. The look on Harry and Ron's faces had been priceless.

"Ex'sue me.. Fatbutt?" Ron slurred, waving a hand dramatically. "Wha' kin'a name is THAT for the kill'r of ol' slit'ery slith'r skins Nag'nini?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the sloppy slurrs of his friend but chose not to comment. It had been Ron's idea to drink, Ron could slur all he wanted.

Neville groaned, "M'name is LONG.. BOTTOM... I'd prefer to be Sir Fatbutt of Fatbuttington!"

Harry snorted as Neville stayed laying back but pointed a finger into the air as if to emphasize his point.

"So it shall be!" Harry crowed, "Prongslett, Weasel and FATBUTT!"

"OF FAT BUTTINGTON!" Neville yelled out victoriously, with a fist punch to the air.

 _The Room of Sirs Malfoy, Finnigan and Thomas_

Draco lay prone on his bed facing the screen that Seamus had rigged up. The Half-Blood boy had rigged up something he called a movie with the help of his boyfriend, Dean Thomas. Draco had accepted their offer to room with them over rooming with Blaise Zabini or some Hufflepuffs. Not that he disliked any of the returning 8th Years any longer, as they'd all put the past behind them, but he preferred the company of like-minded men (if you get his drift). Seamus seemed to come up with new things to amuse Draco from the muggle world that he'd never seen.

Over the summer, Seamus had been talking about a movie and had almost freaked at Draco's clueless face.

"Almost forgot that Hogwarts doesn't have movies! The wizarding world lacks so much technology. Like me cellphone!"

Again, a blank look. But since then, Seamus and Dean had schemed to find a way to show Draco what a movie was like. They'd succeeded by having Seamus watch a movie non-stop (to record the memory) and rigged the penseive to project the memory onto the screen. They'd started off 'simple' for Draco and had projected a movie called "A CINDERELLA STORY." He learned Cinderella was a fairy tale like Babbity Rabbity and after reading the books and such, he got the gist of the idea. However, the movie-thing sucked him in. That was a good thing too, because his room mates had decided that the movie was romantic enough for a snog-fest.

It also gave him time to inwardly reflect on his feelings for a certain Savior. They'd become friends over the months after Harry had helped Draco and his mother avoid any sort of punishments. He'd testified about his mother helping and that Draco had been forced to take the Dark Mark. Draco and his mother had been "placed in the care" of Harry Potter, meaning the Golden Boy had been responsible for the ash blonde teen.. Harry would pop in from time to time to check on them, but he told them he trusted them so why would he need to constantly supervise them?

They'd bonded as friends, as men and as survivors. Harry had even taught him how to properly burp if the need arose.. And living with Seamus Finnigan, it did on occasion.

Harry was breath-taking. Draco often found himself dreaming of the boy with Avada eyes, genetically messy hair (because COME ON ALREADY) and a beautiful body hidden under robes and over-sized clothing. Draco took him one day and had him fitted with a proper robe, but still Harry came around in baggy jeans and t-shirts.

He'd told Draco the truth about Ginny before the papers heard of it- Harry Potter was gay, Ginny was a lesbian and they'd only been together in the public eye because it was expected of them. Harry explained that in the muggle world, powerful people did that all the time and blew Draco's mind. Draco had thought something had grown between them after that, but perhaps he'd been wrong..

Thoughts consumed of Harry and his movie, he was content to ignore his snogging roomies.

 _*-*-*  
The Quarters of Misses Granger-Potter, Weasley and Lovegood_

Hermione sighed happily as she looked around the room she shared with two of her great friends. The days since the war ended had been hard on Hermione. She'd found her parents in Australia and try as she might, she could not restore their memory of her. Harry had found her sobbing alone in the wee hours one morning and had offered to adopt her into his own family. And this, she became a Granger-Potter. Harry had always been like a brother to her, and the combining of their Houses had made it official. Hermione had held no official titles, but had still retained her former name to remember her old life. After all, there was no reason for her to return to the muggle world unless she wanted to, after all.

She'd decided to room with Pansy and Luna because they knew her pain. Pansy and Hermione had bonded over their love of literature during lunch breaks while fixing the castle. Luna had helped them all come to terms with Dobby's death. Harry had paid for the girl's father to see a mind-healer after the war, causing Luna to make a comment about Wrikle-Shreiks or some-such thing. Neville had fallen head over heels for the moony girl and Hermione was fond of her in her own way.

The first day of classes, Pansy had dropped the bombshell that she was dating Ginny. Hermione wasn't aware Pansy knew the ginger girl had existed, let alone that Ginny was the former Slytherin's type. Pansy had simply shrugged and said something about fire crotches and the subject had been dropped. Some things you didn't need to hear about your best friend and your sister-in-law... She realized how Harry felt.

"I miss Neville." Luna sighed, putting down her Charms book and looking moonily up at the ceiling.

Pansy smirked, "I still don't see how Longbottom has game."

"If I told you about Neville, you would never be able to look at him without blushing- Lesbian or not."

Hermione's eyes widened as she slowly lowered her book, "I am going to hate myself for asking but.. Is he..?"

"Kinkier than your curls in first year? Yes."

"Wow." Pansy and Hermione breathed in unison.

They would hear it for themselves soon enough...

 **A/N: Hello! This is my first HP I've done in a long while and my last one was a HP/Twilight Crossover so I'm a little nervous. If you think this is interesting and would like the next chapter (and more) please let me know by leaving a review. This was just a random idea brought on by a Tumblr conversation and if it's utter rubbish please tell me. Thanks!**


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